Authority figures surround children: parents, teachers, coaches, and other adults interact with kids every day. The sooner a child can understand the need for authority, and how to appropriately interact with adults, the more capable they will be with navigating further schooling, employers, and the like. You, as their parent, may also reap noticeable benefits from your child’s increased respect for authority. There a few things you can do to start the ball rolling in the right direction.
Maybe your child does more than “talk back” at you – he or she screams and throws a tantrum when you give them instructions. Maybe your child’s teacher or principal frequently has something to say about their lack of respect or problematic behavior. Or maybe your child just doesn’t want to take “no” for an answer. One of the best ways to begin is by modeling the behavior you want to see in your child. How do you talk on the phone to your superiors? How do you interact with police, DMV employees, and even cashiers? Your child will observe and copy your way of communicating with others quite quickly, for better or for worse. Step back and take a careful look at how you view authority. What messages are you sending your child by your behavior, choice of words, and tone of voice? Make a conscious effort to respect those in authority, in hopes that your child will notice your behavior, too.
Most children, as they approach teenage years, begin to outrightly challenge and defy authority. “No” is not an answer they will accept, and “because I said so” is a reason that rarely sounds reasonable to them. It is paramount that you, despite your kid’s defiant attitude, continue to model good communication with authority figures. Additionally, you may need to expand your explanation when your child responds with “why?” to a command. You can show them precisely why they must follow your instructions (e.g., for reasons of safety, time, or cleanliness). You may even chose to help them in whatever task must be done, as a way to show that authority figures often must do unwanted work, too. Examples work wonders for some kids. In particular, if your child struggles with listening to teachers, tell them of a time you had to follow a boss’s orders, but didn’t want to. And then explain why that decision turned out more positively in the end.
Counseling may also be beneficial for your child, as they can talk through and process their anger or resistance for authority with the guidance of a skilled therapist. However, your child may need additional practice and time to better deal with authority, and may not understand how and when to respond appropriately just yet. Helping your child through an interaction with, say, a teacher or coach may even open their eyes to better ways of responding. Instances like these are where your patience, example, and kind, yet firm guidance will help shape their behavior.
