Has your child appeared sad, sullen, or irritable – more so than usual – for a few weeks? Have their grades, self-confidence, and sense of hope taken a nose-dive, yet to recover? Are they more self-critical or negative, or just not interested in things that used to bring joy? If yes, your child may be dealing with more than a simple ‘blue mood;’ it may be a bout of depression. And, if you are struggling yourself with how to help, I trust the following steps will give you some direction.
Listen and validate
I cannot overstate the importance of empathy and active listening. Children who are struggling with depression often tell me that they feel ‘crazy’ and alone; that their parents, friends, and teachers just do not ‘get’ them; and that they want to be heard and seen. Seek to understand what your child is feeling, and do your best to not jump in, fix, or correct. Try some of these phrases: I can really see you are struggling to keep it together. I can understand that ____ is really hard for you. I see you are upset/sad/withdrawn/etc., and I want to know more why you feel that way.
Get curious
When did you last ask your child if you could listen to their music, play a video game with them, or take them on a drive, walk, or out for dessert? Your child is probably starving for your attention and affection. Show them you notice, care deeply, and actually want to be around them. Even if you believe it to be untrue, your child probably feels at fault, like they are a burden, or unworthy; and this is further reinforced by depression. So, try to interrupt that cycle by showing interest, especially when they have no interest in themselves or their activities.
Highlight the good
I am not suggesting you ignore the bad and depressing things in your child’s life (remember: listen and validate), but when was the last time you praised your child? Try these on for size: Hey, I am really proud you made it to school today. I really appreciate you trying to help clean up dinner tonight. What two things made today special?Consider giving your child a small privilege or task around the home and find every opportunity to praise them for following through. This will show you trust them and are eager to boost their self-confidence.
Be a model
Your kids watch your every move, so show them how to cope. When you make a mistake, and start your own self-blaming, say out loud instead: Wow, I really messed that up, but I am not going to let this stop me from trying again. Are you particularly good at a coping strategy, do you make appropriate self-care time a priority, or are you seeing your own therapist? Reiterate the change you are hoping to see in your child with your words and actions.
Get creative in helping your child be resilient through depression, and please consider reaching out to our team for professional help. Finally, take a look at this resource (https://childmind.org/audience/for-families/) which contains expert advice on a variety of issues.
To schedule a therapy appointment with Andrew Denecke, or one of our therapists at LiveFree Counseling, please call 720.465.6180 or click here.
