I often work with clients while they are in the midst of a major transition: moving away for school, starting a new job, or getting engaged/married. During such times, it can be challenging for someone to effectively manage the relationships that are either remaining the same or changing. Maybe you fit into this narrative? I trust the following strategies will be of help.
Recognize Your Own Emotions
As you step into a new season of life, family and friends may very well vocalize strong opinions about your particular, chosen path. They might seem angry, closed off, or even ‘fake’ in their happiness. However, how do you feel about your decision? Label your emotions with as much detail as you can, giving even a name, color, shape, or whatever you can to describe it. As you do so, know your feelings might be very similar – or vastly different – than those close to you; there is no right answer. Your feelings are yours, and you must honor them. Recognize, too, these additional truths: you can have several, seemingly competing feelings at once – work to accept this. The expressed feelings of those around you may elicit yet another feeling within you, but you need not base your decision or response entirely on the feelings of another person.
Set Assertive Boundaries
You may be asked to do certain activities, see specific people, or take on a number of tasks, all of which could elicit discomfort. Moreover, you might be experiencing the added pressures of moving logistics, registering for classes, or planning for your ‘big day.’ Consider, then, establishing healthy limitations with your family and friends early on during your transition. Consciously set aside time to get your affairs in order and silence your phone if you must. Here are a few examples of assertive responses: I appreciate the offer, but I am busy today. Can we meet up next Tuesday? I am sorry, but I cannot do ___. Can I help you with ___ instead? That is very kind of you to offer, but I need a week to get settled in. I cannot talk right now, but I will respond in about an hour.
Identify and Pursue Your Values
During a major transition, it may seem impossible to follow through on every detail of every relationship; but, by pursuing decisions based on your values, it is possible to experience a greater level of peace and acceptance. Spend time in self-exploration of your top five values (tip: Google ‘list of values’ if you are struggling) and then rank them. Do you place a lot of importance in challenging yourself? Then you may need to examine moving further away from your family, or taking a bigger career leap, than you first thought. Is family time ranked higher than going to the gym? Then you may need to put off trying out the new fitness center to instead spend an hour with a loved one. As you take this step, notice how much or how little time and energy you are putting into your most important relationships.
Navigating changes with family and friends during your biggest transitions can be anxiety inducing and might bring up strong feelings of guilt. If you are struggling to sort through where to begin, I would be honored to journey with you.
To schedule a therapy appointment with Andrew Denecke, or one of our therapists at LiveFree Counseling, please call 720.465.6180 or click here.
Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash
