How do you survive brokenness? The unexpected divorce? A stillborn baby? Infertility? A rebellious sibling that gives you a bad name? The death of someone you loved? Suddenly life is no longer playing by the same rules and you have to change, adapt, and rewrite your life script.
Navigating brokenness can be a very confusing and lonely process. The process encourages, and at times demands, change and growth. Those who are closest to you might resist that change, because it influences them and makes them uncomfortable. Rather than receiving the support you need, you may feel more alone and wounded by those trying to help.
Consider the following suggestions to keep you grounded you as you navigate the process:
Accept that you are broken. There is beauty in brokenness, because great change and growth can happen during that time. You do not have to fear pain. Holding on as the wave of emotions comes and goes will leave you stronger.
Decide what is most important to you. Is it healing? Is it comfort? Is it relationship with a certain individual? That is crucial, because it determines which path you take. It will look different if you choose to do whatever it takes to make the uncomfortable emotions to go away rather than choosing to heal at any cost. There is no right or wrong decision, but be honest with yourself and make a conscious choice.
Decide what you are willing to lose. Sometimes deciding what is most important to you requires that you give something up, or at least be willing to. Perhaps the cost of being healthy is letting go of friends who are not. Perhaps the financial cost of treatment for infertility requires letting go of your desire for your dream house or financial security. Grieving the loss, or potential loss, allows you to open your hand and not fear. Then you will be able to focus on what is most important to you with courage, no matter the cost.
Choose whose voices you are going to listen to. When broken, you will get a lot of opinions about what you should think, feel, and do. Listening to all of them will leave you confused, frustrated, and drifting. Choose instead to listen to those who support and accept you, which may mean tuning out the others.
The beautiful thing about brokenness is that there can be healing on the other side. You have a wonderful opportunity to redefine who you are and how you approach life. Facing the pain and navigating the messy process of change can result in great strength, depth, and hope. Hold your head high knowing that you are writing a new future.
Photo by Procsilas Moscas CC BY 2.0.
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Published in the Tri-City TRIBUNE (Cozad, Nebraska) on June 25, 2015.
