The beginning of the school year is nearly upon us. For many kids, the hustle and bustle of assembling the right school supplies, meeting new teachers and sharing stories of summer vacations brings excitement and anticipation of a fresh start, and a renewed sense of curiosity. On the other hand, your child is not alone if they are experiencing: heightened anxiety regarding the transition back to the classroom, increased expectations, academic pressures, and the stress of managing friendships.
As a mom, I personally understand the heartache watching your child feel alone, left-out, or disinterested in peer relationships. Starting a new school year can be especially challenging with friendship for any number of reasons: shifting dynamics among peer groups, changing interests between once-close friends, maturing at different rates, lagging social skills, or even increasing autonomy. Regardless of the reason, here are a few practical tips to help your child through friendship challenges.
It may seem silly, for example, your child is upset that so-and-so has a better backpack, or got to sit in the back row of the classroom. But to your child, those things feel like a Really. Big. Deal. While difficulties or conflicts may seem trivial to us as adults, to your child they can feel all-consuming. Phrases such as, It sounds like this is really bothering you or I can see you’re really struggling with this. Let’s talk about this a little more, invite open, honest discussion that can lead to further exploration and connection between you and your child.
Be PRESENT and ENGAGED with your child on a daily basis
If you’re like many parents, it’s easy to get wrapped up in making lunches, keeping the piles of laundry clean, organizing homework folders, and emptying backpacks from the previous day’s art projects. Whatever it is demanding your attention, the most important one should always be your child. Setting aside even ten minutes to engage your child face-to-face allows them to feel calmed, soothed and accepted. If your child is struggling with friendships at school, a safe and supportive connection at home can feel like a tall glass of water in the middle of the desert.
COMMUNICATE and COLLABORATE with teachers, school staff or supportive adults within your child’s world
By voicing your observations and struggles in a respectful, solution-focused way, it is easier to get help from others involved in your child’s life. For example, the teacher may be able to provide a buddy for your child to play with at recess. A school counselor may be holding lunch bunches with other kids who are experiencing similar things as your child. There may be clubs or extracurricular activities in which your child may encounter like-minded peers. By letting safe and supportive adults come alongside your child, it is possible to foster and guide relationships amongst peers.
It can often feel helpless and lonely as parents when our kids are struggling. Take comfort in knowing you’re not alone. If you suspect there may be more going on with your child that is hindering their ability to make and keep healthy friendships, there is no shame in reaching out for support. Talk to a friend. Ask for honest feedback from your child’s teacher. Speak with your pediatrician. Seek counseling or parenting support groups. Accurate assessment, evaluation and diagnosis can open doors to help you address barriers that may be preventing your child from feeling successful in friendships. Just remember, your child is never alone, and you aren’t either!
To schedule a therapy appointment with Brooke Patterson or one of our licensed therapists at LiveFree Counseling. Please call 720.465.6180 for more information.
