I believe that working through feelings is an essential part of what it means to be human; yet, one can get hung up on the process to the point where work, relationships, and other areas of life just are not quite the same. In therapy, I hope to intently focus on the whole person in front of me, to create a space for my clients to more deeply understand themselves and their lived experience. What follows are three broad approaches that I often walk clients through to connect with their emotions.
Identify
Before I know where I am headed with a client, I value knowing what has happened to them and what is coming up emotionally in real time during sessions. Words have meaning and power, and by labeling the feelings that are surfacing, my clients can build greater depth and understanding surrounding their concerns. It may sound overly simplistic, but I truly believe that by just naming one’s emotions – and being able to differentiate between similar ones – an individual can start a new pathway of how they respond to the world around them. If you get stuck at this point: consider using a feelings wheel, Googling a list of feelings, or getting curious for a moment about what you notice in your body.
Observe
Next comes time for personal reflection and deeper noticing. Can you describe the feeling? Does it have a shape, a color, a size, or some other aspect that sticks out? Can you change the intensity of the emotion by moving your body, slowing your breathing, or by welcoming it just for a moment with openness and self-compassion? My aim at this point is to help clients balance both healthy distance and curiosity with their feelings, in order to promote understanding but not complete, personal identification with those emotions. If you get stuck at this point: consider journaling about your feelings for a few minutes each day, or asking a loved one to explain what they are seeing in you.
Reflect
Now, I would urge a client to express the identified feelings in a meaningful way. Ask yourself, too, Do I want to stay in this feeling or do I want to shift it? The answer should further illuminate the path ahead for you. Could you write a letter to, or call, the family member that you are concerned about? You might listen to music, journal further, eat a healthy meal, get some rest, or go on a walk while you focus on that specific emotion more. This step helps most by providing actionable reinforcement for the hard work you have just done, encouraging your neurobiology that feelings are normal, not to be judged or shamed, and worthy of your time and energy. If you get stuck at this point: try talking it out more with someone else, even asking for feedback on how they process their feelings.
As a therapist, I am in the business of helping people change their lives now, and for future generations. If you are struggling to understand or cope with your emotional experience, I would be honored to listen and walk with you. To schedule a therapy appointment with Andrew Denecke, or one of our therapists at LiveFree Counseling, please call 720.465.6180 or click here.
