The Holiday season is one of the more difficult times for parents who are co-parenting. There are a lot of expectations and visions of the perfect Holiday with each parent and extended families. The reality of splitting this time is often wrought with angst and communication issues. Many divorced couples have a really difficult time navigating the Holidays, so you are not alone. Below are some ideas on how to approach this time of year to reduce the stress level.
It is important to keep in mind the Holidays are a highlight of the year for children. The novelty and excitement of these days has not worn off for them and they should be at the forefront of our priorities, as well as the religious/cultural meanings. Ask your kids their wants and desires and try to negotiate that with your ex. Many divorced parents have a court ordered plan. As much as you are able try to work with your co-parent on doing what is best for the kids.
Parents, please try to be flexible. Keep in mind the pivotal day/days of these Holidays can be quite overstimulating for kids and bad behaviors may ensue. Lots of activities and timetables can make matters worse. It is challenging for any 4 yr. old to be an angel through Christmas morning at mom’s house, then Christmas morning again at Dads house (midday) and then a somewhat formal meal at the grandparent’s house in the afternoon. Be realistic and set your kid up for success and a good Holiday memory. How about breaking it down into two separate days? Your kids will be just as happy with Holiday Day #2 than packing it all into one anxiety ridden day. Or, a ‘Holiday in February’ for the parent who does not have the present year in the court designated parenting plan? We all know that February is bleak and could use a little Holiday cheer!
After all is said and done the Holiday season will be one of wonder and feelings of connectedness for our children, if we handle this with a little less focus on the traditional ways of doing things. With an open mind to new traditions and thinking out of the box, we can help our children feel the magic and love of both parents during the Holiday season. And yes – we will all survive.
