TRAUMA. Trauma is a big word. Along with any number of emotions, trauma can leave us with unwelcome feelings including overwhelm, fear, reactivity, anger, confusion, sadness and even numbness. Generally speaking, most of us experience at least one trauma at some point in our lives. Whether our traumas are the result of abuse, betrayal, physical injury, relational hurt, loss, war, rejection, bullying or something else entirely, trauma can have lasting effects on the way we view ourselves and interact in the world. If you’re thinking, “Those are some big feelings and have the potential to leave a big impact”, you’re right.
Now let’s think about what trauma must feel like to a little person, to a child.
While trauma is a big word, it is also a phenomenological experience to each person, meaning, an experience that is traumatic to one person may not be for someone else. This idea needs to be applied to our children; Experiences which can seem benign to us grown-ups can be life-altering for a child. Getting called a mean name while waiting in the water fountain line at school can cause trauma in a child, just as could the loss of a parent, a serious illness, or witnessing or experiencing a violent event.
So how do you know if your child has experienced trauma? Below is a list of common behaviors, as well as some practical solutions of how to help a child who has been traumatized.
Temper-Tantrums
No matter our age, science has proven the effects of trauma are stored in our bodies. This can cause disruptions in sleep and eating patterns, increased fear or anxiety, and can eventually lead to an overall sense of agitation, frustration and anger. Because our little ones often don’t have the vocabulary to express what is happening in their bodies, the flood of feelings may be expressed through screaming, crying, hitting, kicking and general inability to control emotions or modulate their physical responses.
Withdrawal or Zoning Out
Trauma can leave children feeling overwhelmed and lost in the world, especially if the trauma is interpersonal in nature. The emotions related to the trauma can be too much for a little one to process, and as a result, it can feel easier to shut-down. Relating to others and engaging in relationships can feel impossible. The safest place can feel alone, perhaps lost in a book, an imaginary world or a video game.
Avoidance and Refusal
Let’s be honest, most kids avoid and refuse things on a day-to-day basis. Cleaning a bedroom, homework, household chores etc. can all be cause for procrastination and avoidance. But when a child is adamantly refusing to comply with a request or avoiding a situation/person/place entirely, pay attention. Children who have been traumatized are functioning from a place of fear and anxiety. Just like in adults, their brains cannot separate what was from what is. Avoiding and refusing can be a sign your child’s trauma is being triggered.
Perseveration on the Topic
Some children cannot stop thinking about their traumatic experiences. Because their little brains keep trying to process what has happened, you may notice your child referring to the event/experience frequently, re-enacting during play with peers or alone, bringing it up in conversations with you or others, or asking questions about the event at unexpected times.
Increased or Decreased Sensory Needs
Because we know it is stored in our bodies, children who have experienced trauma will often appear to be overly sensory seeking in an attempt to calm their bodies and minds. It is not uncommon for a child to need extra hugs or safe squeezes. They may seek deep pressure from a weighted blanket, ask for a massage or even jump on a trampoline or feel the need to lift heavy objects in an attempt to release the anxiety associated with their experience. On the other hand, you may also notice children who have been traumatized require reduced sensory input and avoid some stimuli altogether. Some may be reactive to loud or noisy environments, very bright lights or unpredictable places with unknown people or unfamiliar routines to name a few.
The above list is not at all exhaustive, but does give grown-ups some things to consider if you know or suspect your child has experienced trauma. Here are a few tips to help your child cope:
- Respond with patience: Remember, your child has been through something difficult. They need time to work things through at their own pace.
- Provide a safe space: Trauma changes the way kids see the world, but knowing they have a comforting place to land at the end of the day can make a big difference for kids who are healing.
- Allow the Feelings: When our child is hurting, it is our inclination to try to help them feel better. Phrases such as, “You’re fine” or “Don’t worry about it” can unintentionally send messages to our children that their feelings either don’t matter or are not okay. Allowing your child to feel, process and express in their own way can be healing and repairing.
- Speak with Empathy: Phrases such as, “I see that you’re really scared right now” or “I can tell this is really bothering you” or “I’m here to help when you’re ready” can open the door to healthy connection and supportive reassurance which in turn, promotes healing.
If you or your child is struggling, our team at LiveFree Counseling is here to help. To schedule a therapy appointment with Brooke Patterson or one of our licensed therapists at LiveFree Counseling. Please call 720.465.6180 for more information.
