If you are finding yourself sad because you have not been able to meet with friends and family during COVID, if you have been angry your child was unable to have a graduation ceremony or begin college in a traditional way, if you have been depressed with the loss of a job and difficulty finding a new one: you are not alone. What you are experiencing is grief.
What is grief?
Grief is the emotions that come when we have lost something. We often judge our own emotions and think ‘we shouldn’t be feeling this way’, but the stronger the grief, the more significant the loss. Grief tells us what we lost was important to us. Grief communicates what we had mattered. Now that it’s gone, there is pain. When we acknowledge our grief, we are honoring the importance of what was lost.
Here are 5 Facts about grief:
1. There Are 5 Stages
When we think about grief, we often think about being sad. Grieving does include sadness and tears, however, there are actually five stages of grief:
– Denial
– Anger
– Bargaining
– Depression
– Acceptance
These stages are not linear in how we experience them, and we can go in and out of the stages at different points in our grief process.
2. Grief can hit you at different times
Grief can appear like it comes at unexpected times. Often a memory or shared experience will come to the surface and make the loss real again. Grief can look like seeing a baby after you had a miscarriage and emotions of pain, sadness or jealousy come to the surface. Grief can look like feeling really sad the first Christmas after losing a loved one. It is important to allow ourselves to feel the emotions that come to the surface at these moments.
3. Grief is a natural part of life
Grief and sadness are emotions we typically try to avoid. Although it is difficult, walking through grief is a natural part of life and helps us to move forward. We experience growth when we allow ourselves to experience and express our grief.
4. Grief happens with many types of losses
We often think of grieving with losing a loved one, and this is true and significant. Grief can also happen for a range of life experiences:
- Loss of a marriage
- Loss of a pet
- Kids transitioning through milestones and age brackets
- Our parents aging
- Our own aging
- Moving
- Transitioning jobs
- Loss of a job
- Medical diagnosis
- Change in physical and mental abilities for ourselves or loved one
5. Grief looks different for everyone
While there are common and shared stages of grief, no two experiences look the same. When a couple loses a child, it is common for the parents to grieve in different ways. This is ok. Allowing yourself to grieve in the way you need is a gift you can give yourself. Allowing others to grieve in the way they need is a tremendous gift to a friend or loved one.
